Managing your surplus wealth.

Pterodactyl By Pterodactyl, 26th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Money>Investing

Are you very rich? Do you struggle to find things to do with your money? Worried you might lose it? Read this article for tips on surplus wealth management.

The basics

So you're pretty wealthy. You've bought the house(s), you've driven the car(s), you've sailed the yacht(s) and you've travelled the world. Now what do you do? It's important that you manage your wealth and assets wisely if you want to ensure that future generations in your family can enjoy your financial success. In the unstable economic climate of today, you should really consider converting your cash into something a little more solid- especially given that currency values are liable to fluctuate dramatically on a daily basis. Investing in the right enterprises and stocking up on assets could ensure that, in the long run, your wealth is safe, expanding and readily available at all costs.

China's best kept secret.

That is why I'm introducing you to the concept of random liquidity. Random liquidity theory was adapted in the early 20th century from one of the many economic principles conceived in ancient times by a Neo-Confucian Chinese basket weaver, known colloquially as Fēngkuáng De Pìgu. The scrolls outlining these principles were discovered by British explorer, Sir Scott Rhys-Griffin, in the remote hills of Motuo County, Tibet. Since then, much like, the musings of Sun Tzu, Fēngkuáng's work has proliferated throughout the west, mostly without proper crediting. In fact, much of what we now see in Western microeconomics can be traced back to Fēngkuáng.

Fēngkuáng's theories with regards to wealth management are quite simple. He outlines two options for the individual wishing to invest his wealth in the hope of achieving long-term gains in a secure manner. The first option is rather familiar, and involves a variety of conventional investment schemes. The second option has, rather surprisingly, been forsaken by the majority of people in the West. Fēngkuáng called this option Mángrén yòng jiǎndāo yùnxíng, or 'running blind with scissors'.

Why you should follow 'Mángrén yòng jiǎndāo yùnxíng' or random liquidity investment.

This approach is best suited to people with enough money to spare. In fact, it was originally prescribed for ancient Chinese bureaucrats who found themselves with too much money to spare. Many people at the top of the business world today struggle with surplus wealth. This money often goes to waste, but with these ancient tips it doesn't have to. Mángrén yòng jiǎndāo yùnxíng is based on the idea that, by investing randomly without considering the consequences, the investor with too much money stops worrying about what to do with his or her wealth, thus benefiting that person emotionally.

More importantly, if you are wealthy enough, the nature of any interest you earn shouldn't be an issue. In fact, randomly finding your outdoor swimming pool crammed to the brim with naked Albanian shepherds can lead to lucrative business deals, thus diversifying your entrepreneurial endeavours to the extent that, if one of your projects happens to fail, you will always have other projects so vastly different from each other that none will be threatened. This is what makes random liquidity investment so effective.

Begin your random liquidity investments with 7 simple tips.

If this approach to investing your surplus wealth and ensuring prosperity and security for years to come seems appealing, then I suggest that you follow in Fēngkuáng's footsteps right away. To get started on your random liquidity investment scheme, why not consider following these very useful tips:

1) Shave your head. Withdraw a large amount of money from your bank account. Using some cellotape, attach large swathes of cash to your head. Then strip naked and attach more cash to your naked body. This attire should serve you well when embarking on a random liquidity investment programme.

2) Pay a lumberjack to give you a felled tree. Then hire a group of carpenters to fashion a seaworthy log canoe. This is the ideal form of transport for any random liquidity investor. Don't paddle the canoe yourself, however. Instead, breed and train a cohort of 78 cats to swim and have them pull you across the seven seas.

This lethal combination of being dressed in cash, owning a log canoe and commanding an army of cats that can swim is bound to lead to high returns. It will get you noticed and provide you with assets that nobody else can bring to the table.

3) Purchase a very large catapult. Load it with random commodities bought in bulk from a local wholesaler. Fire the catapult in random directions. Then visit the areas which have been inflicted by any damage you may have caused. Who knows what entrepreneurial opportunities may arise in an orphanage covered in margarine, an aquarium filled with baked beans or a city damaged when highly-enriched plutonium capsules fall from the sky.

4) Buy a laboratory. Stock up on chemicals and test tubes. Spend several weeks in your lab mixing chemicals together and see what you end up with. It may be difficult to test your products, but there's bound to be a use for monocarbonhydroperoxidetriphenylporphyrin somewhere in the pharmaceutical industry. For added results, dress a chimpanzee in a labcoat and get him/her to do it. The RSPCA won't mind, just tell them you're defending the chimp's right to equal opportunity.

5) Rob a bank. Go to prison. Start a gang. Use your money to run your own business empire within your prison. This should provide you with plenty of contacts once you're on the outside. It should also be possible to delegate a successor once you leave and continue getting large quantities of cigarettes sent directly to your home.

6) Skip through the streets of Londonderry shouting 'I am a carrot' and scattering daisy petals. Then gouge out one of your eyeballs with a french fry and fling your underwear at old ladies as they walk by. This will help you. Somehow.

7) My old favourite. Join a cult! Not only is this a safe means of depositing your money, but you may find yourself reaping the benefits both in this life and the next (and the last if you join a cult that allows you to transcend the temporal confines of mortal existence). If that's not enough, joining a cult will enable you to meet an amazingly diverse bunch of people, all united for a common purpose. It's an investment deal just waiting to happen!

What are you waiting for?

As I type, I'm waiting to meet with an entrepreneur in Manhattan who claims to have designed a pair of shoes made from live dogs which do all of the walking while you stand on them- just so you don't have to! This wouldn't have happened had I not been sent to New York State Psychiatric Hospital after wearing my money suit on a trip to Ellis Island.
You have nothing to lose! And besides, it's good fun.


Advice, Assets, Finance, Investment, Managing Wealth, Riches, Wealth

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author avatar Pterodactyl
Adelante. Mi gusto el procemiador por los todos.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
24th Sep 2014 (#)

Wealth can give us headaches - use it to benefit society when in doubt where to invest - siva

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